Misconceptions about marriage wreck relationships. These myths are often accepted without question. They can go on to create unrealistic expectations and unnecessary strain between partners.
Let's look at five common marriage myths that might be affecting your relationship and explore the truths that can lead to a healthier, happier, more fulfilling partnership.
1. Myth: My Spouse Should Always Make Me Feel Good About Myself
It's common to seek affirmation from your partner, but expecting them to be the sole source of your self-esteem is unrealistic and places undue pressure on the relationship. True confidence comes from within and for Christians, it’s primarily rooted in our understanding of our identity in Christ. While mutual encouragement is vital in a healthy relationship, relying solely on your spouse for validation will lead to disappointment and other relationship cracks.
Reflection: Are you placing expectations on your spouse that should be fulfilled through personal growth and an awareness of your identity as a Christian?
2. Myth: Marriage Will Resolve My Personal Issues
Some believe that getting married will somehow magically fix their personal struggles or emotional wounds. In reality, marriage often exposes existing issues. Addressing personal challenges individually, possibly with the support of counselling or pastoral guidance, can lead to a healthier relationship dynamic. To experience marital fulfilment, it's essential to work on personal growth both before and during marriage to ensure a strong foundation.
Reflection: Have you taken proactive steps to work through personal challenges independently of your marital relationship?
3. Myth: Healthy Marriages Are Conflict-Free
The absence of conflict is not a definitive sign of a healthy marriage. In fact, avoiding disagreements can lead to suppressed feelings and unresolved issues. Disagreements are natural and, when handled constructively, can lead to growth and deeper understanding. The Bible encourages us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19). Approaching conflicts with empathy and patience can strengthen your bond. As noted by The Gottman Institute, conflict is inevitable in all relationships and serves a purpose in improving mutual understanding.
Reflection: How do you and your spouse typically handle disagreements? Could your approach be more constructive and open?
4. Myth: Marriage Is a 50/50 Partnership
Viewing marriage as a 50/50 split can lead to a transactional mindset, where each partner only gives based on what they receive. This scorekeeping approach can foster resentment and a sense of imbalance. A thriving marriage will require both partners to give 100%, focusing on serving each other selflessly. Ephesians 5:25 calls on husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church—a love characterised by sacrifice and total commitment. Embracing this mindset fosters a partnership where both individuals are fully invested.
Reflection: Are you giving your all to your marriage, or are you holding back, waiting for your spouse to meet you halfway?
5. Myth: My Spouse Completes Me
The romantic notion that a spouse "completes" you is widespread but misleading. While a partner can complement and support you, true fulfilment comes from your relationship with God. Colossians 2:10 reminds us that we are complete in Christ. Placing the expectation of complete fulfilment on your spouse can lead to disappointment and undue pressure. Recognising that both parties are whole individuals who enhance each other's lives leads to a healthier dynamic.
Reflection: Are you seeking fulfilment primarily through your spouse, or are you nurturing your spiritual relationship to find completeness?
Moving Forward
Challenging these myths requires introspection and open communication. Consider setting aside dedicated time with your spouse to discuss these reflections. Approach the conversation with a spirit of understanding and a shared commitment to growth. Remember, a strong marriage isn't about adhering to societal myths but about building a partnership rooted in truth, love, and mutual respect.
P.S. If you want transformation in your marriage, want to engage actionable techniques that produce lasting results, then check out our marriage course - Forever Fun: Secrets to Joy, Deeper Connection and Intimacy in Marriage. I also offer personalised support for couples who want a tailor-made solution that fits their unique situation.
Invest in your marriage by taking a proactive step towards a healthier, happier and more fulfilling marriage.